You Have a Right To Feel Disappointed (and Then an Obligation to Move On)

Coaching Tip #7

When you don’t reach a goal, or when things don’t work out like you thought they would, you have a right to feel disappointed (or angry, sad, anxious, embarrassed, or overcome by guilt).

At these tough times, a multitude of thoughts can ping-pong around in your head:

• How could I have be so stupid?

• What did I do wrong?

• I blew my chance.

• I let the team down.

• I’m never going to have another opportunity like that again.

These emotions can last for minutes, days, months, or longer. Some people never let go of them.

Those who are around you might try to talk you out of your feelings. These people care about you, and they want to help you feel better. They might try to place the blame somewhere else, or on something else. They might say to you: “You just have to learn from this.” They may even try to minimize your feelings. This approach might temporarily make you feel better, but it could also trigger a series of other more volatile reactions.

At some point, though, you will need to put the failure and disappointment aside, and then make a decision about what you’re going to do next. This stepping back and assessing the reality of the situation can be tough, but it is something that every ambitious person feels at one point or another. Moving forward requires you to own the issue, and that’s never a simple process.

Here are 5 things to think about.

1. Savor (for a while) the disappointment. Don’t try to just brush it under the carpet. Failure can be a huge motivator for success. Ask yourself: “What do I want from this experience? … Do I want to try again or should I focus on something else?”

2. Turn on your innate growth mindset. Write down 3 things you learned from your experience. You’ve got a growth mindset – put it to work!

3. Push the time-machine button. If you could go backwards and try again, what would you do differently? Think about how this impacts your decisions going forward.

4. Measure your level of confidence on a scale of 1 to 10. Confidence matters! Name 3 things that contribute to you building up your confidence.

5. Make a declarative choice of what you want to do about your situation. Write it down, and then share it with someone. Be accountable to that choice.

No one likes to fail. But you can make a choice to put yourself back in the driver’s seat. And that’s a great way to create momentum toward your personal next.

Melinda