Taming The Reptile Inside
Coaching Tip #76
Survival is an instinct that is deeply embedded in our DNA. It is a legacy from our ancestors. Because danger lurked around every corner, risk antennas were always on high alert. If one member made a bad calculation the resulting consequence was catastrophic to the rest of the members. When that person succumbed to a hazard, it increased the risk for all.
Zoom forward thousands of years. When faced with something uncomfortable, our instinct is to avoid it.
Why is this?
There is a very tiny part of the brain known as the amygdala that controls our response to danger. Located in what is known as the reptilian or primal brain, it this structure which controls our innate and automatic responses to danger including unknown or unfamiliar circumstances. When danger is felt, the signal from the amygdala overrules all other systems. It does not matter the type of risk. Our amygdala cannot distinguish between a physical and an emotional threat.
In the world we exist in today, the physical threat of a saber tooth tiger is not high on our list of worries. But metaphorically that tiger still exists. Anything that takes us away from familiarity, feeling safe or feeling in control can create an appearance of being attacked.
For most of us it no longer just about survival. Instead, the tiger lurks when our self-image or our outward-facing persona is threatened. The “what if” can stop us from engaging in possibilities. Our mind can quickly engage in a dialogue of “What if I try this and … (fill in the blank - examples could be look stupid, fail, mess up).” This internal dialogue influences how willing you are to put yourself at risk.
How do we counter this built-in tendency, overcome our reptilian brain signaling to protect ourselves? One way is to consciously call upon our bravery strength. (just like the hunter facing the tiger)
This use of this strength can apply in a multitude of situations, many which are not high-risk life threatening but rather just provoke the feeling that it might be. Familiar examples to all of us could be:
Walking into a new situation not knowing anyone
Picking up the phone to call a stranger
Sharing some negative feedback with someone
Trying a new activity
Hitting a drive on the first tee with 20 people watching (one that I experience)
It is these feelings that can stop you in your tracks. When you notice you are hesitant, judging yourself for having feelings of anxiousness, first you need to speak your truth. “I know there is something that is making me uncomfortable, creating a concern or making me doubt myself.”
This acknowledgement, an acceptance that it is normal, will instantly lessen its hold on you.
Then with this awareness, ask yourself one of these 6 questions.
If I did do this, what is the outcome that I want?
What is the worst-case scenario?
What is the likely scenario?
In this situation, how can I use my bravery strength to help me overcome my feelings?
What choice do I want to make?
How else can I calm myself to move forward?
Finally recognize that sometime using your bravery strength might not be an action or inaction but simply reaching out for help, guidance, or encouragement from someone you trust.