Avoidance
Coaching Tip # 80
If you are like me, there are times when a battle can rage inside my head. It reminds me of the song written by the Clash – Should I Stay or Should I Go – except in my case the lyrics change to Should I Act or Just Say No.
My natural tendency is to push, forge ahead, check stuff off the list, work toward a goal, achieve whatever I set my mind to. I am not sure if this tendency was something that I was born with or was nurtured through sports – that athletic mindset not to give up or give in. Probably a bit of both.
My last competitive swimming race was in 1985. That is coming up to 37 years ago. Yet if someone said to me, what is one aspect of sport that I carry with me today, I would answer and talk about my Athlete DNA (which differs from my genetic DNA). Our Athlete DNA is the qualities and traits that are developed because of sport. They are deeply ingrained into our thoughts, behaviors and emotions by the people and environment that surrounded each of us.
Whether you are an athlete or not, if you grew up in an environment of striving for success or feeling the expectations of producing a result, you too, have a version of an “Athlete DNA”. Our history, and the activities we engaged in as children and teenagers gave us a foundational world view on how to be today.
There are many times where this foundation serves us well. But we must also acknowledge situations where it is not in our best interest. That requires a level of self-awareness and then an ability to step away and make a choice.
For me, what I notice is that when I don’t have the physical, mental, or emotional energy to live up to my high expectations, my go to autopilot behavior is avoidance. It many ways it is a form of self-preservation to avoid internal judgmental thoughts or criticism.
In January’s coaching tip, I talked about using a word as an anchor.
My anchoring word is onward. It gives me a forward focus, an understanding that I cannot alter yesterday, and reminds me to concentrate on my current circumstances. Every day I try to ask myself “How did onward help me today?”
To some readers, onward may mean action. But for me it means focus on what I need. In other words:
Don’t get stuck on something that I cannot control
Figure out what I really need physically, mentally, and emotionally versus what I my athlete DNA is programmed to want - achievement.
Understand the consequences of such choices
Make the choice
By using this process, I move away from my fixation toward performance, control my thoughts around avoidance and move toward an intentional acceptance of what I need and how that relates to what I want.
My negative chatter quiets and as I change the song’s lyrics to Should I Stop Before I Start.