Whining On The Yacht
Coaching Tip #44
Do you know someone that always seems to be complaining? They are never happy and seemingly never satisfied no matter what circumstances they find themselves in. Nothing is quite good enough. And through skilled and shrewd communication they let other people, outside those that can affect change, know their thoughts and opinions. Complaining becomes a habit, what they are known for. And when you see them coming, you either brace yourself for their verbal onslaught or pretend now is not a great time to engage a conversation.
Things are challenging right now. If you are one of the millions of individuals (44 million people have been verified as infected around the world as of this writing) personally suffering from Covid-19, have a family member suffering, are a frontline worker, lost your job or need to homeschool your kids while working full time, this coaching tip is not for you. If complaining helps you, complain away.
For everyone else, keep reading. While your yacht may look different than your neighbors, the fact is that you have good health, are earning a living, have a few forms of social connection, are able to go outside for a walk, go to a grocery store and pay for those groceries, participate safely in some forms of physical activity or any of the other things that can be done in a relatively safe manner.
Yes, things are different. Yes, there are challenges. And yes, we all want to go back to the way it was. But the reality is the pandemic has changed us and going backwards is never the answer. We need to appreciate the life we have right now and build from that as the situation evolves.
The deeper we get into Covid-19, the more important it is to routinize our habits of acknowledging the positives of the day and eliminating the natural tendency we have to spout off the negatives. We do not want to be like that person I referenced in the first paragraph, labelled as a whiner who others eventually tire of.
So, if you notice yourself complaining/whining more than normal, step back and evaluate how this is affecting you, others around you and your ultimate objective. By pausing and asking any of these questions you can interrupt a behavioral pattern. This technique may help shift you away from unhelpful or unproductive thoughts, comments and actions, back toward a more positive state.
How is this helping me have a great day today?
Does complaining ultimately make me feel better?
Is there anything I can contribute to make the situation better?
How do I distinguish between complaining and giving feedback? Are they one and the same or different? If I have constructive feedback what is my most effective way to share feedback
Am I complaining for the sake of complaining? Is that who I am or what I want to be?
Have I stopped to think about who I am complaining to? If it is someone or a group of people that have no ability to impact the situation, what is the purpose of my conversation?
Is it my natural tendency to look for faults in situations? In other people? In myself? Do I notice a recent amplification of this tendency? What can I do to interrupt the auto-pilot nature of this built-in behavior?
Am I complaining because I do not feel I am being listened to? Is there a better way to approach this?
Do I have a reputation as someone who is always complaining? Is this harming my relationships?
These questions are designed to bring a deeper awareness to where our current state is at. It challenges us to check in and monitor our behavior and if appropriate to remind ourselves to stop whining on the yacht.
Try to choose gratitude instead.
Melinda