Control the Controllable

Coaching Tip #45

There is much in this world that we do not, or do not feel like we have control over. And when we feel we do not have control over the things in our lives that matter to us, our emotional well-being needle shifts toward the negative.

This coaching tip is going to ask you to create a list of the things that you can control. My goal is to help you move your well-being needle toward the positive. To do that we need to ask ourselves a very specific question.

What do I know and feel like I can control today?

Note the question is not “What can I control?” While the intent of these 4 words may appear to be the same, they are not. For some this shortened question might create further internal discord as it is too broad and does not take into account critical aspects of decision making.

So, let’s go deeper into the expanded question. There are 6 key words that are worthy of examination. To truly control the controllable, we need to break down the intent behind these specific words.

What – Both questions include this word. It is an important sentence starter as the word ‘what’ asks you for a description, key information and sets the stage of potential possibilities.

I know – We all know that knowing something and doing something are two different things. I know that looking at my phone in the middle of the night has a negative effect on my sleep. But if I am anxious about something and wake up thinking about it, my habit is to pick up my phone. It is not easy to control habitual responses. The first step is always awareness.

Feel like – The words ‘feel like’ identifies both your physical and emotional state. It is a critical part of the question. It asks you to scan and articulate your body, your thoughts and your emotions. Using my sleep example from above, bad sleeps may make me feel physically tired, be a root cause of a headache, or contribute to just feeling sluggish. Feeling off because of a restless sleep absolutely affects my ability to make crisp forward-looking decisions. But assessing your physical state is not enough. We must also add into that equation and be able to consciously articulate our thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions drive our behavior and by identifying them we can then decide how we want to respond to them. In order to understand what I can control, I need to identify a root call of a bad night sleep. Are my thoughts racing about stuff I need to move off my to-do list, am I anxious about an upcoming commitment? Once acknowledged I can develop coping strategies.

Today – Our final word in our question is the word today. Not tomorrow, not next week and not next year. It is powerful to focus on the things that you can do something right now. Catastrophizing or futurizing is not helpful if you cannot do anything about it. Instead acknowledging those feelings and determine if there is anything you can do today about those future thoughts. For me, I know if I create a list of all the things on my to-do list, then I do not wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it. A simple action like this puts me back in the driver’s seat.

So how will you answer this question.

I challenge you to create a list each day and after a week, see if you notice a positive impact.