"GO TO" or "GO SLOW"
Coaching Tip #42
When we first encounter a problem, it can create an emotional reaction inside of us. We all have a built-in first reaction when we first encounter a problem or stressful situation.
As you will see in my personal example there are good reasons to bring an awareness to the behaviors that result from these reactions.
First before I share, take a moment to reflect on and write down a significant problem or stressful situation that you have faced in the past. It can be personal, work-related, or relationship based. Now put yourself back in time when you first confronted this issue. What was your go to behavioral reaction?
I did this. I wrote down a work-based issue and then thought about what my natural go-to reaction was: DETERMINED and FOCUSED. Then I asked my grown-up kids what they see as my standard operating reaction. They laughed at me and said they see it as ATTACK. While similar in intent, I put a positive spin on it and my kids put a more negative spin on it. I learned something that I know, but obviously needed a reminder of. The impact of my actions on others may not always be perceived and experienced the same way as I intended. And that matters.
If we are not aware of how we come across, our behaviors, thoughts and emotions can create unintended consequence and potentially impact the desired end result we are striving for and effect the relationships that are important to us.
This is easier said than done. It can be obvious to notice a negative behavior in someone else and very challenging to acknowledge that same behavior in ourselves. To help bring awareness to this, take a look at the following list. On one side is a one behavioral reaction and on the other how that reaction might come across. Go back to your scenario and see if any of these descriptions apply to you. Then find someone that you trust and ask them what their opinion is.
While you may feel the first word, someone else may see the second word.
Contemplation – might come across as Procrastination
Optimistic – might come across as Over-confident
Eager – might come across as Rushed
Calm – might come across as Uninterested
Determined – might come across as Over-zealous
Matter of fact – might come across as Not Caring
Exasperated – might come across as Enraged
Surprised – might come across as Confounded
Anxious – might come across as Insecure
Irritated – might come across as Annoyed
Our “go to” reactions are deeply embedded into our behavior.
Expanding on the potential reactions, here are three examples of slowing down, taking a pause and asking yourself a question to come up with alternative approaches. By using these alternative approaches, you can dramatically change outcomes.
Eager – I know that I naturally want to jump in, but I may miss important information. Who should I consult with to ensure that my enthusiasm does not create a blind spot.
Anxious – I know I tend to worry about potential problems, but this can also be a strength. Ask myself how this will help me to strategize out different scenarios, the problems that I might encounter and the solutions that I can try.
Matter of Fact – I know I tend to always look for facts, but this can cause me to ignore my own and other people’s emotions. Ask myself, how can acknowledging our emotions help us to get to where we want to go.
Next time you have an emotional reaction, practice replacing “go to” with “go slow”. Why: it is the pause after an awareness that gives you the necessary time to shift into the response that will produce the result you are looking for.
Melinda