Coping With A Gap Year
Coaching Tip #51
As we approach the holidays and ring in the New Year, most of us are in one way or another altering our yearly holiday traditional celebrations.
Traditions are important – they are the customs or beliefs that are passed down from generation to generation. They are markers of time and patterns in our lives. Regardless of whether we like the traditions or not, we anticipate them. Our life stories are built around them. Like everything else in 2020, they will be different this year. And while we will miss our people, I think it is important to recognize we will also miss the traditions. It is just not going to be the same.
If you are a regular reader of my coaching tips, you know I am a big believer in Control the Controllable. In the spirt of that I have a couple of strategies to help us all, myself included.
During this incredibly challenging time remind yourself to check in on this question as frequently as you need to: “What can I control today?”
Each one of us has an opinion on what is acceptable behaviors and what is not. Add to that each of us also all have our own risk profile that boundaries are set around. This can and will create tensions within our family and friend groups that add to the already over-anxious mindsets we all are experiencing.
I cannot control your actions and you can not control mine. Trying to tell someone that your way is the “right” way will probably not go over to well. Instead figure out what your boundaries are and work toward a solution that is acceptable for those in your immediate circle. That solution may include a request. And, as with any requests, there are 3 possible replies: Yes, no, or let me think about it.
Change is not easy and this year’s celebrations are full of much change. Part of that change is feeling of loss. As I mentioned above, the annual traditions will be different and in many cases they may not occur at all. One way to honor the things that are important to you is to write down these traditions, why they are special and what you will miss about them. By journaling, using pen and paper, instead of a voice memo or typing, you are actually activating different parts of your brain at the same time. This provides an opportunity to link those parts which includes the details of the traditions, your emotions this events create , the facts about your current situation and how you are feeling right now. It honors something that is important to you. It says I am not forgetting about this meaningful part of my life, I am just pushing the pause button.
For me I will be missing all of our kids and their partners. I’ll miss making the Christmas morning wife saver and picking out a special wrapping paper. I never label gifts so on Christmas morning each person has to guess what paper belongs to what person. I love wandering through stores and finding that perfect thing – I have not done that either. I will do different things this year to connect. I know it will not be the same. That is ok. I am going to find joy in controlling that which is within my power.
Sending my best to each of you!
Melinda