What Was Good About That
Coaching Tip #13
One of the great lessons I learned long after my days of being an athlete was to treat success and failure as the same thing. They are both opportunities to grow.
We all know that when we fail (after we’ve finished with the self-judgment) our focus shifts to looking for lessons gleaned from the experience. This is natural process for a high performer. We want to understand what went wrong, what we can learn, and how to put that into action, so that next time the result might be different. That is a growth mindset. We say to our self: “I have just not accomplished this yet.”
But do you think about the lessons learned from your successes? Probably not naturally. And if you are one of the few that systemize this, I wonder if you assess the success as critically as you tend to judge the failure.
Winning creates patterns. When I won a race or accomplished a goal, I celebrated. I would get out of the pool, my head held high and happiness radiating, and went to my coach for a debrief – basically stretching my long arm over my shoulder to give myself a great pat on the back. Anything that my coach said to me immediately after my race was viewed through a lens of satisfaction, because I had accomplished a sought-after goal. Following the debrief, my focus shifted forward: to the next race, the next goal, the next success.
When I lost a race or did not accomplish my goal, a different pattern played out. I moved with a sense of disappointment, my eyes were downcast to avoid any contact with friends or coaches, and my thoughts swirled around, trying to focus on what I did wrong. Eventually I reached my coach. With his arm draped around my shoulders he made his observations. Sometimes I cried, other times I stood stoically by listening as he tried to share what I needed to do the next time. I would then go cool down, continuing to recycle the negative thoughts as I went back and forth staring at the bottom of the pool.
These patterns occurred long after I hung up my goggles. A win: focus forward. A loss: focus backward.
About 10 years ago I met two incredible ladies who helped me shift from this deeply embedded pattern. Lynn Marriot and Pia Nelson co-founded Vision54. As many of you know, I am passionate about playing golf. I approach it like I approached my swimming career, which includes practicing hard and partnering with great coaches.
Lynn and Pia teach “what was good about that!” no matter what the result. They actually stood right next to me, asked what I was going to commit to, and then, post-shot, they said loudly in my ear: “what was good about that?” With no choice but to answer, I quickly learned positive reflection is equally important in good shots and bad shots. Ten years later (and a few visits back to Lynn and Pia) I believe even more deeply in the importance of this way of thinking.
We can find good in everything. And we can learn from the good, just as we can learn from the bad. Lynn and Pia had shifted a deeply set pattern in me. I hope this helps you focus lessons learned both when you fail, and equally, when you succeed.
Melinda