Chaos and Control

Coaching Tip #15

Is it possible to experience both chaos and control simultaneously?

Here are the circumstances we find ourselves in today: self-quarantining, social distancing, working as best we can from home, exercising in tight quarters, worrying about the roller coaster of the financial markets, grabbing diminishing supplies off store shelves, then returning home to put on the TV and watch the shuttering of cities, states, provinces, and countries as the numbers of COVID-19 cases climb.

This is chaos that few of us have ever experienced. It is unsettling for all of us, and catastrophic for some. It seems the world outside of our cocoon is just not in our control.

In the midst of all this uncertainty, there are things you can still control. These days it’s more important than ever to make a commitment to small achievable tasks, and to follow through on them. Doing what you say you’re going to do is something you can control. And these daily decisions effect how you see yourself, how you talk to yourself, and ultimately help you feel more in control.

Your inside world – the voice inside your head – knows if you are following through on your intentions. It doesn’t help to overwhelm yourself with intentions that are unrealistic. Start with things you know you can control. This small-step approach is important for a few reasons:

Integrity. When I do something that I said I would, I get a positive boost of those feel-good endorphins. In contrast, when I do not follow through, the words “should have” and “why didn’t I …” cycle endlessly through my head. And that creates guilt.

Self-Worth. Tied to integrity, this is a measure of how I feel and value myself. When I was conducting the interviews for my book Personal Next I asked each person “how would you define your self-worth?” Take a minute to answer this question for yourself. It will inform you about what is important, and where to focus your self-control.

Role Modeling. Those around you might need you to model your ability to follow through on your intentions. Yesterday I needed this. All day I had the intention of working out. At 3:00 PM my husband went down to the basement and did the exercises that he had committed to. At 4:00, I was wavering. At 4:15, I felt guilt. At 4:30 I really started to notice the unhelpful things I was saying inside my head. At 4:45, I finally started my work-out. Had he not gone first, I might have let the day slip away. Use the people around you to help you follow through on what you can control.

I can’t tell you what you can control in your life. You need to decide that for yourself. What I can tell you is what I am working on. This is my list:

• Have a consistent time to get up and go to bed each day.

• During my workday, I take three 30-minute breaks away from my computer and my phone.

• Eat simple, healthy meals at regular times.

• Count my glasses of water to ensure that I am hydrated.

• Walk outside (at least 20 - 30 minutes each day).

• Do two strength exercise sessions a week.

• Do three cardio exercise sessions a week.

• And I added a new task this week: turn off the news cycle in the evenings. Really, what am I learning from this endless repeating chatter?

What would you put on your list? I encourage you to write out your list … and then follow it.

Yes, you can feel chaos and control at the same time. By taking stock of what you can control, you will help yourself in this time of chaos.

Melinda