Thoughts and Actions

Coaching Tip #20

If you read my coaching tip last week you’ll remember that the topic was on a particular word: should. I noticed that this word was more frequently creeping into my conversation (both in my head and in conversations with my husband, who I am self-isolating with), so I decided to try a coaching intervention. I put my watch on my other wrist (so I would be forced to notice that something was different) and that in turn would remind me there was a reason it was on my other arm – to bring an awareness to the self-defeating thoughts that were cycling through my head.

I know that thoughts create feelings and emotions, and these affect actions. And that actions built from a negative place do not serve my best intentions.

With my watch feeling awkward on my right wrist, I was way more aware of the thoughts I was having. I also caught myself when this unhelpful word formed on my lips. Most of the time I was able to shift to another phrase, which created a different result.

Instead of the feeling of guilt, I asked myself what was realistic. In most of the cases where I thought or used the word should – it was a because I was avoiding something. But the real awareness was the amount of time and energy I was wasting as that ‘should’ thought cycled in and out of my consciousness throughout the day.

Right now, our days are playing out with a routine that sometimes feels like the movie Groundhog Day. As a high-achiever, I know there is always something I could do, and so I reestablished a habit to clarify and write down a priority list. In fact, three lists developed from the “watch on the wrong wrist” exercise. The first was my high-priority “must dos.” If it was not a must do, then it either went on the list of “maybe do” or even “this is not happening today.” The titles for these lists were developed for a reason. It gave me permission to let go of the “should.”

My word is my bond. I will always do my “must dos.” But I have to control that list, or guilt and should reappears. This is where one of my 9 Practices of high performers is needed: regulation. I define this as the ability to manage impulses, thoughts, and emotions and to delay gratification in order to reach new standards. My natural impulse is to put more on that list that what is realistic. For my list system to work, self-regulation is a must.

As I write, here is my Sunday list.

• Run 4 miles

• Write my coaching tip

• Weekly family Zoom call

• Answer all the emails derived from my book

• Prepare for two interviews on Monday

• Call my mom

• Practice 15 minutes of putting

• Cook a healthy dinner

Everything else goes on a “maybe” or “not happening” list. When the day ends, I feel good about myself.

I hope this exercise and this tip helps you too.