That Should Space
Coaching Tip #19
Do you ever find yourself saying the word “should” (or “should not”)? I know that I do … and more often than I care to admit. And if I’m saying it out loud, I know the word also exists in my inner chatter, which consciously and subconsciously zooms around my head.
The other day I caught myself living in that “should” space. So I paused and wrote down a list of my emotions that can co-exist alongside this word. They include:
Guilt…Irritability…Annoyance…Shame…Regretful…Dread…Judgement…
It was a harsh reality check. And then I thought: how is this serving me, making me function at my best? I started writing down some questions.
Does this word motivate me to a positive action?
Are there particular areas of my life that the “should” word is more prevalent?
What affect is this having on my sense of self-worth?
Am I transferring this “should” language to those who I am interacting with?
Is that helping them?
How can I shift this language of “should” to something more beneficial?
It all starts, of course, with awareness. We cannot change things if we are not aware of them, and the affect they are having on us.
I started to write down when I caught myself saying or thinking this word. Here are some of my examples: when I have to deal with administrative work, when I do not get my workout done first thing in the morning, related to some household chores, sometimes around my eating choices (an example of the “should not”), and using it as a passive-aggressive way to tell my husband what I think he “should” do.
That word can be a sort of habit, and breaking a habit is not easy. I also know that to change I need to be aware in the moment where the behavior is occurring.
For the next week, I am going to apply a technique I use with my clients. Without getting into the science behind it, I am going to wear my watch on my other wrist. This is going to bother me. It will remind me that something is different, and it feels awkward, and that is the point. My brain will link to the uncomfortable physical sensation and ask the question of why my watch is on the other arm? I will subconsciously answer the question: to bring an awareness to the habit. Only with that awareness can I choose what I want.
Stay tuned … In next week’s coaching thought I will share my outcomes.
For your self-exploration, think about how the word “should” or “should not” enters into your vocabulary. Only you know this. Take a minute and create your own list of emotions and questions. Be curious, and in that curiosity see if there is an opportunity to shift a negative to a positive.
If you have a comment around this coaching tip, I would love to hear from you.