The Day I Plan Is Not Always the Day that Occurs

Coaching Tip #22

Sound familiar?

Do other things keep getting in the way of what you want to do (or think you should do)?

Being able to adapt to circumstances is an important competency. But so also is following through on those commitments that you make – both to yourself and to others.

How do you balance these two things?

In my coaching tip Thoughts and Actions I discuss how I manage my daily “must do” list: those commitments I have declared are important. This is usually an effective strategy for me, but I do have days when I stare at that sheet of not-so-crossed-out items on the list. That’s when I step back and appreciate that life is far more complex than items on a list.

I do not operate in a vacuum of one. As an individual, there is a natural (and inherent) tension between me and all of my relationships. That includes my husband, children, family, friends, colleagues, work commitments, and even strangers that I am standing 6 feet away from.

And there are other relationships which can cause tension that have nothing to do with people. Three (of many) examples:

• Our relationship to money

• Our relationship to our inner selves

• Our relationship to our physical body

Such tension is not always negative. It can produce great results. Think back to that paper than needed to be written, and how miraculously – in the last 12 hours before it was due – you focused and produced an almost masterpiece. Or think about when someone told you that there is no way you would accomplish a goal, and you said: “just watch me!” Tension can accelerate action.

One thing is for sure. Tension, positive or negative, will have an effect on the goals we have, the choices we make, and the actions we take. Commitment and the ability to adapt rub up against each other.

Back to my “must do” list. Instead of muttering under my breath (and listening to the inner talk laced with negative comments about not getting everything done) there is an alternative. This is the next level of awareness. So … I took a step back and thought about that tension. Why was there something on that list that I have not been able to cross off? It stares at me every morning, and although I make progress on it, it is not yet complete. I realized I was trying to make it perfect. (More on this in next week’s tip.)

Tension shows up for each of us differently. While I share my story, I want you to think about yours. Over the next few days, try and identify patterns of tension, write them down, and notice whether the tension is propelling you to accomplish your goals, or causing you to flounder.

I’d love to hear your stories!

Melinda