Does Perfect Matter?

Coaching Tip #23

This is what we call in coaching a powerful question. And we rarely asked it.

Instead, we muse about perfect silently in our head. And that can stop us in the pursuit of our goals. Can perfect get in the way of trying? Absolutely.

These sorts of thoughts can limit our forward movement, even our beliefs. They create a story about us that may not be true.

• I can’t apply for that job. I’m not good enough.

• I’m afraid to make that call. What if I don’t have all the answers?

• I’m not going to the gym. I’m too out of shape.

Statements like these have an underlying unspoken built-in comparison to an unknown entity. They are not helpful because they are not complete; they don’t give the full picture. If you said, “I can’t apply for that job. I’m not as good as my friend Joe” then your starting place is to get as good or better than Joe. Curiosity can take over, and that is a very healthy thing.

• How did Joe get so good?

• How long did it take Joe to develop his skills?

• What is a skill he does well that I can work on?

• Was Joe ever not good at what he does?

• What does Joe do to make sure he stays at the top of his game?

Questions such as these can shift your thoughts from “no way” to “yes, maybe.” They open up possibilities. But remember that possibilities only become realities when you add the effort. Pondering about what Joe does or does not do will not magically make you improve.

To achieve goals, you must become accountable to your strategies: those daily actions that help you learn, grow your skills, build resilience, and gain confidence. They build the pathway toward improvement, and in some cases something close to perfection.

Yes, there are cases when perfect matters. You do not want a surgeon to operate on you who has not perfected his skill with a scalpel. When you are on the balance beam at the Olympics, the performance goal is perfection. But in each of these cases it has taken years and years of developing skills to attain this level of perfection.

So, when you find yourself in a place of can’t, won’t, or anxious thoughts that limit your movement toward your goals, pause and ask yourself that powerful coaching question: In this situation Does perfect matter? Then check in to see who or what you are subconsciously comparing yourself to. And finally, are these thoughts helping me move forward?

Let me know what you discover. I look forward to your personal, self-directed observations.

Melinda