The Pitfalls of Self-Reflection
Coaching Tip #31
I am a huge proponent of self-reflection: the practice of stepping back and reflecting on past actions, thoughts, behaviors, and results. This can provide insight for your future growth and development. It also provides space to contemplate change, and to address behaviors that do not reflect your best intentions.
No question – it’s a powerful tool in your toolbox. But there are pitfalls to self-reflection. This week’s coaching tip will look at three of those pitfalls.
All Talk and No Action
As I discussed in my coaching tip a few weeks ago, our strengths can sometimes sling-shot back, creating a negative result. This over-use of a strength can affect the desired outcome, or worse, a relationship that you value. We can become obsessed with self-reflection and that can morph into endless conversations with ourselves and with others. A running dialogue of chatter can create an outcome of all talk and no action. The intent of self-reflection is to learn and veer toward a direction of growth. If you notice a tendency toward more talk than actionable steps, include a self-reflective question such as “What is one thing I can do with this insight I am having?”
We All Talk Our Own Book
Our world-view is based on the knowledge we have gained through our own particular experiences. In our self-reflection we can become mired in our specific version of the facts. These blind spots (what you do not know, you do not know!) can inhibit alternative solutions. If our reflections only consider the version of what we believe is true, then the opportunity for a deeper growth might be missed. I challenge my coaching clients to practice inverting their logic. Work to understand a perspective on the opposite side of your logic. And remember: others are talking their own book, so their perspectives will not always align with yours. This insight is sometimes tough to see and appreciate, but it is incredibly valuable.
Comparison is the Evil Co-conspirator of Self-Reflection
Comparative analysis can infiltrate our thoughts and show up in our reflections. The socialization of comparison starts when we are young. Think back to comments in your youth such as “smarter than, faster than, more talented than,” or on the other side of the spectrum, “not a smart as, not as fast as, not as talented as.” These formative comments start with parents, coaches, teachers, and even strangers. They can become motivators for future achievements, or they can be justifications to give up. They are deeply rooted in our psyche of performance. Be aware of this evil co-conspirator creeping into your reflections and creating negative self-talk. Remind yourself of your reason for self-reflection and do not let comparative analysis detract from that purpose.
For those that follow me on a regular basis, you know I believe in the saying “it all starts with awareness.” There are layers upon layers of self-awareness. One level of awareness opens up further levels of awareness. Check in with yourself on these three pitfalls and see if any could apply to you. For those that really want to challenge themselves, ask someone you trust if they have observed any of these pitfalls in your reflections.
Feel free to reflect back to me your observations and insights!
Melinda