The Brave Face of Challenge
Coaching Tip #32
I had a couple of experiences this past week that made me step back and wonder if a significant goal was worth striving toward.
When you set a goal outside of your comfort zone, you are going to bump up against challenges. If you don’t, it’s probably is not a stretch goal. That does not mean that the goal is wrong; it’s just a different type of goal from the one I’m talking about here.
Stretch goals are made up of the dreams and desires that might be slightly outside your grasp, or feel like they are far away. And as you edge your way forward, it is inevitable that challenges will pop up. Some people call these failures. Not me. I look at them as a slight detour.
With any detour, you might see something that you never would have without weaving your way through the obstacle. The challenges you experience are good for you. They make you question your commitment, can motivate you to a greater effort, and force you to check in with your chosen strategies. They are opportunities to pause and ask a couple of tough questions. Here are 3 questions I asked myself this week.
1. How important is this goal I am working toward?
2. What do I not know that I need to know?
3. Am I going about this the right way?
I admit that I was struggling, but on the outside no one would have known it. I am good at wearing a brave face. I go about my day even though the chatter in my head was incompatible with my goals. This brings me to the title of this coaching tip, “The Brave Face of Challenge,” and a relevant question: When do you stop being brave and showing the world that you can handle adversity, and start reaching out to ask for help?
As a high performer, this is tough. We fight our self-image and we fight the image others have of us. We have been trained to overcome our own self talk as well as the naysayers or hecklers on the sideline. It is part of our DNA. But this brave outer face does not always serve the long-term goal. Grit sometimes is overrated.
I do not have the answers for you, but I challenge you to think about 3 questions.
1. Does showing up with a brave face help you get to where you want to go?
2. Why might it be hard for you to be vulnerable in a particular situation?
3. Who is that person (what I call a secure base), that you can share with?
In my case I turned to my coach. Yes, coaches have coaches. And so this afternoon I am going to work with my coach to check in on the strategies I am using and discuss the chatter in my head.
Trusting someone else and sharing your challenges lifts the burden of feeling you are alone. You do not have to navigate all detours by yourself. By sharing your challenge, that other person may help you avoid a future bump in the road. I encourage you to try it!
Melinda