Labeling Your Everyday Triggers
Coaching Tip #35
What gets your ire up? The small things that set you off.
Last week’s coaching tip was on our beliefs and when those beliefs create conflict. This week’s tip is an extension of that.
This type of trigger is something that sets us off. It creates tension inside of us.
What we do with that tension depends on many things. It can ruminate in our head, it can be directed at others, it can cause a surge of emotion, and it can affect our body. Triggers are powerful! They can ruin a moment, a day, a relationship.
Understanding what your triggers are, and the common situations when they occur, will help you be in control of your responses.
The thing about these types of triggers is that you own it. The other person (or the situation that caused it) rarely knows the affect it has on you. Unless you lose it … let me give an example.
I value efficiency. It is deeply rooted in my behaviors (probably from being an athlete, training five hour a day while going to school full-time, and doing all the other things that were required of me). One day I was rushing to get to the subway so I wouldn’t miss my train from Toronto to Oakville. The sidewalks were crowded, and the streets were filled with cars. In front of me were a group of five 20-somethings enjoying the beautiful sunny day: eating ice cream and laughing, while blocking the sidewalk. They got in the way of my efficiency! I am not proud of my behavior as I worked to skirt around them, loudly saying “excuse me!” and muttering under my breath. It was only after I got through them and was sitting on the train that I realized they were not triggering – it was my problem and my reaction, and I needed to get my trigger under control.
Some other things that can trigger me are lack of respect, an entitled attitude, someone who always brags about themselves, and loud voices. The more aware I am of theses triggers, the more able I am to limit the control it has over me and the cascading affects it creates.
Where do our everyday triggers come from? When I talk about this with my clients, I ask them to think about what really matters to them, and then think about what happens when that is threatened.
Try these tips to better understand your triggers:
Notice when you are triggered. This requires you to step back and observe your behavior. Go 10,000 feet up. Ask yourself what you would say if you observed this in someone else.
Ask yourself why you were triggered? What is it that really mattered to you that created the trigger? There are layers to our triggers. The deeper you go, the more you’ll discover.
If you can’t figure out the “why” behind your triggers, ask someone who knows you well. They probably can give you some insight.
Observe the effect the trigger has on you. Did you stew about it all night? Did you blame someone else for it? Did it show up somewhere in your body – a tummy ache, a headache, a racing heart, clenched fists? How does the effect of this trigger serve your best self?
Decide you want to work on your triggers. Label the trigger. Write it down somewhere and watch for it. Observe your reaction when you gain control of your triggers.
Finally, make sure you take time to laugh at yourself. We all have these types of triggers. That is what makes us human.
Melinda