Sometimes We Need to Pivot
Coaching Tip # 64
Do you ever have that gut check moment, a sinking feeling where you realize a conversation did not quite go over the way that you meant it to. You had great intentions, but for one reason or another, you did not get the reception you expected.
Ideally, we learn to listen to our gut checks and develop strategies to immediately deal with these occasional situations. Left unsettled, the cascading effect can quickly shift a good relationship into troubled territory and require a pivot into repair mode.
And that takes way more work than a little sprinkle of self-awareness.
There are many ways to categorize our strengths. This coaching tip will focus on your communication strengths and specifically how those behavioral characteristics can cross to the dark side. Being aware of these characteristics is important. When you find yourself in hot water, it might be because you overused this strength and/or failed to adapt to someone else’s style.
A good relationship is based on good communication. Take a moment to think about how you best communicate. Are you someone that…
… loves to convince people to your way of thinking? You are interested in people, how they are doing and love engaging in conversations.
… wants to get to the point? You will ask direct questions and want answers that focus on results. You do not like to waste time, and this can come across in your communication style.
… is great at pausing and listening attentively to what others have to say. You are deliberate when you speak and are known as reliable. Trust is very important to you as is treating people the way you would prefer to be treated: with “kitten hands” of kindness.
…loves to engage with facts and data and then communicate that information in an organized logical manner, possibly backed up by a written communication. When presenting information, it is facts that drive your opinions not feelings.
I am not trying to slot you into one of the categories but rather challenge you to identify with which aspects resonate with you. As you can see, each type of style has its own benefits and in normal circumstance probably works well for you and the people around you. When things are good, you understand each other and accept the strengths of each individual’s communication style.
However, when things are not going so well, or stress and conflict are added into the equation, that is when the dark side of your communication strength might rear its ugly head. Words matter but how your words are received matter more.
Every behavioral tendency has a dark or shadow side. Assertive can be heard as aggressive. Persistence can sound obsessive. Logic can show up as a “know-it-all”. Steady can be perceived as slow. Quickness can bounce back as not listening. Positivity can feel inauthentic.
If your goal is to be an effective communicator, a deeper level of self-awareness is required.
As you are preparing for a conversation or pondering how to rectify that gut check feeling, pause and ask yourself two very important question.
What are the possible dark strengths of my communication style?
Given what I know about the person I am communicating with, how would they prefer me to communicate the information at hand? In other words, how can I ensure they will receive my message in the positive way it is intended.
Some examples may be:
Slow down
Temper my tone
Provide written communication
Ask for high level summaries
Ask for facts
Connect with the person before the problem
Ask for opinions
Ask for collaboration
Listen intently
Minimize interruptions
Don’t waste time getting to the point
Recognize their input
Ask questions
Show respect for the person
Show respect for the information
Employing these two strategies will alleviate unnecessary tension and help everyone focus on the goal at hand: enhancing your relationships to produce the results that you are working toward.