Remember Who You Are
Coaching Tip #68
Achievements are important.
They are a result of focused driven actions that drive us deeper into a desired result. There is so much good wrapped up in the process of striving for achievement: the development of the character traits such as learning, failing, developing grit and resourcefulness, collaborating and sacrificing. But as with all things that are good, there are usually shadow consequences of that positive process.
One “occupational hazard” is a scrambling together of your achievements with your sense of self. Who you are and what your do are separate and distinguishable parts of your identity. Yet they can easily merge into one as you experience increasing levels of success. “I do” slips into “I am”. The ego expands with success - becomes the persona.
In the work I do with athletes I see this all the time. But this is not just an athlete issue; and it is not the athlete’s fault. Society plays a part by placing a character persona on the individual. While the accomplishments are stacked one on top of the other, the person is admired, feted, applauded and sought after. They have found the secret sauce. Others want to be associated with that.
But as accomplishments wobble, fail or simply disappear, the merged identity moves into crisis. Who am I without those accomplishments? The ego becomes very threatened. The gap is glaring, and the boomerang can result in a range of negative behavioral actions, and feelings of angst, anxiety, depression, and destruction.
We need to name and grieve that loss. And as we grieve, we start a necessary process of detachment. “I am and I do” must separate. The “I did” will always be with you but footings for your next venture will come from your character traits that built those past accomplishments.
There is no simple solution to this. If we could wind the clock backwards and uncouple the victories from the character, that would be a good first step. It would help the person step away from a result-based identity to a process-based actions. It was your character that built your conquests.
Easier said than done. Because as you go through your process, the inner voice is screaming out “but I am great!”. The ego loves to be celebrated, stroked, and feeds on recognition. The internal mental battle fights “still great” with the tension of deeply understanding that that is not the reality.
Out of this tension comes the footings of our next set of great performances. Find those character traits, recognize and celebrate them, and then harness them to begin anew.
This marks the beginning of your real hero’s journey: the climb out of what was, toward what will be.
That is exciting!