Multiply Your Wins
Coaching Tip # 72
What is your definition of a win?
Before you read on, pause and think about this. Write down what immediately pops in your mind.
My guess is that like most people, the word ‘win’ conjures up an image of a victory where one side prevails, and the other side fails. There is not much of gray area with this definition. It does not allow you to consider other versions. And other versions matter.
This coaching tip will explore why we need to consider multiple definitions of the word ‘win’ as well as provide some alternative examples for your consideration.
When one person wins another person loses. No matter what side you land on - whether you experience the elation of victory or the agony of defeat – your results are measured and judged against someone else’s. When you are in the win column, it feels good.
In our youth we became accustomed to this. In the pursuit of high-performance sports, academics or popularity you grew up in an environment of comparative analysis. You made the team or were cut from the team. You got an “A” or “failed with a B”. You were in the right group or on the outside. You were called a winner or felt like loser. As kids, we somehow learn to survive this. But there is a long-term consequence that carries over into adulthood.
As an achiever, our worth naturally became linked to the win column. Remember it feels good to win – we want that. But the more we add checkmarks to our resume, the more we become addicted to the game, the narrower the definition of a win becomes. Whenever our worth is tied to this well-worn definition of a win, we enter the game of ‘one day’ - When I get this promotion, lose the weight, have 1000 followers, make $1,000,000, I will feel….
And yet when that one day happens, does that feeling of elation last. Probably not because our psyche has been programmed for the ‘next play’. We reenter the game of ‘one day’.
I am not arguing against achievements. They are important. But so are other things. We need to open up our definition of what a win is. As we do this, we can start to decouple our feelings of worth from our victories. Because in the end it is not the wins that matter but rather the process that you established and followed and the character you developed. That is what true self-worth should be built up.
Here are examples of alternative ways to chalk up wins, to break the ‘one day’ addiction:
You followed through on what you said you were going to do
You stopped to acknowledge someone else’s effort
You took time out of a ‘to do’ driven schedule, to learn something new
You asked for help
You realized you were wrong and apologized for it
You stopped and acknowledged a moment of joy
You used one of your core strengths and then acknowledged that you used a strength
You tried something outside of your comfort zone
You overcame a roadblock on a project you were working on
You went for a walk even though it was the last thing you wanted to do
You made a difference in someone else’s life
You listened to someone without giving them advice
I encourage you to ‘win” at some of these other versions of your life.
And when you notice it, see if you jump to ‘next play’ or simply experience being happily present with no further expectations.