The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Coaching Tip #39
Have you ever stopped to think about verifying the stories that you tell yourself or share with others?
Normally when we think of a story, our mind sways toward the words we say out loud as either fact or opinion. It is important to pay attention to these outward-facing stories, but we must also bring an awareness to what we say silently to ourselves and others. These include our thoughts, our attitudes, and our body language.
Each of these variations of our story can become the reality of how we feel about ourselves, about others in our society, or about the the tasks we engage in.
Our stories can support us in positive ways, or they can also destroy us before we even get started. Let me give you a personal example.
A few years ago, during a meditation, I came up with a vision to interview 100 elite athletes who had made a positive transition from their athletic career to a new purpose. I told myself many positive stories about this idea:
What a great idea.
I will learn so much.
I know it will help others.
Then doubt set in – that negative story that sabotages great ideas.
How can I find 100 people …
Why would anyone ever agree to talk to me … I’m not a psychologist or a researcher?
Who would even listen to me?
Where do I start …
But there was something about this concept that I kept coming back to.
I truly was terrified of being told by others I had no business embarking on this project. That day I set up a call to get my first potential interviewee, I sat in front of the telephone for two hours, psyching myself up to dial the number.
I overcame that story and started another. You can too!
I wish I could tell you that doubt disappeared with that first call. It did not. It is a deep rooted story that I face whenever I feel I am not qualified or good enough.
But I now know how to challenge those thoughts. Because I know challenging these negative stories is core to my development, I created a tool to coach myself (as well as my clients). The purpose of this tool is not to justify our verbiage, our thoughts, our attitude, or our body posture, but rather to step back and critically assess how they may not be as true as we think they are.
I would like to share this tool with you in the hope that it helps you discover your stories and expand your point-of view, something I talked about in last week’s coaching tip.
I call this True / Not True. It is simply a line on a piece of paper that challenges our thinking, checks in with our biases, and helps us discover where on that continuum we find ourself. Are you closer to true, or closer to not true?
I challenge you to try using this tool in the coming days.
Whenever I find myself facing that story of doubt, this is my go-to tool. I usually discover that my doubt comes from a fear of rejection and is rarely grounded in hard facts.
Let me know how this helps you. I’ll be very interested to hear!
Melinda